Have you ever wondered why you act a certain way to certain situations? Or why some circumstances ignite anger or sorrow in your emotions but not for others. The year 2020 has been a year with lots of revelations. It has been a year that has either brought the worse or the best out of people. What comes out of a person when pressed on all sides tells what has been in them. You can only spill what you have inside of you – good or bad.
There have been recent incidents that have ignited anger and pain in me like I have never experienced before. I know that is not what you want to read about right now, but my emotions have been out of whack to say the least. Emotions have come to the surface that I have never noticed I had. I guess it’s because I have more time on my hands than before. I am noticing things I have never seen before. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still enjoying the time and discovering myself much better every day.
Despite these instances, I had to go to God and ask some hard questions that I have never asked before. Like why I am angry and frustrated by things like other people’s opinions on TV, not getting my way , unable to say no to a request and my most famous someone cutting me off in traffic. I tried to keep my ‘cool’ but there were days I could not keep my composure. I had to voice things out respectfully, with anger in my heart but God was still working with me. I remember on one of my conversations I kept hearing the phrase “healed heart”. It took me a while to realized I needed a healed heart. But when did my heart get wounded, I asked myself passionately? Apparently, I have been walking with a wounded heart and because of the many distraction (work and life) I have never paid attention to that heart. My emotion is only an indicator of what my heart has been trying to tell me. They are also a good indicator of how we see God. We get afraid because we think we are left alone. But God says I will never leave you nor forsake you. I am angry at injustice because we do not believe in the justness of God. We are prideful because we believe we did it on our own. We usually brush off our emotions and move on but those emotions are telling us a lot and if we would pay attention it would not lead us into trouble.
I had to take a step back from everything and work with the Holy Spirit to help me with the process of healing There have been so many things buried deep down that I’d never talked about. These unattended emotions grow to ugly tall emotions that can be disastrous. It can lead to war, divorce, bitterness and many other vices. Does it take just a day or two? No. It might take much longer than we can ever think of but I’m glad I’m discovering myself and walking with the Spirit of God to help me. Does it mean I have a healed heart right now? No, I am a work in progress, but the amazing thing is to wake up and know I’m still loved by God. Oh, how that gives me the strength to keep wanting to get better. I have learned in the journey that, we cannot just cut the leaves of the tree and expect the tree to disappear. We must get to the root of the tree to destroy the tree. In the same manner, the emotions are just the leaves, so just pretending or willing it away never helps. You must dig deeper with the Holy Spirit to find out the root cause of all the emotions. It might even be from childhood and then work from there.
The journey of life is a journey of discovery and the most amazing thing is we get to do it with Jesus on our side. It is okay to identify things in your life that are destructive and deal with them. It is better to work on our destructive behaviors than become numb to them. They will grow and overtake us if not taken care of.
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it – Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)
Everything we do comes from our heart. Your actions and your life in general tell which kind of heart you have. You can serve better from a healed heart. You can teach better from a healed heart. Loving others despite your differences comes more easily from a healed heart. The journey becomes much easier with a healed heart. Are you walking with a wounded heart? It’s nothing to be ashamed of because many on this journey have it too. It is better to discover where you are and what you need help with. Life is better with a healed heart.